I once had a frank conversation with a woman, on the subject of pickup artists, those loquacious Lotharios who tell women exactly what they want to hear so they can bed them. I was astonished when the woman weighed in on the side of the gigolos. She said, “But they talk so nice….” I guess the world needs a few liars to boost morale for the sisterhood, kind of like a public service.
I got punked by my work the other day. They sent me a fake email and I clicked on it. It was a test. I got scolded by IT for opening what I should have recognized as a suspicious thread. DOH…. stupid me. Suspicious emails are more and more prevalent these days. Phishing scammers favour headlines they think you will click on. Hence the art of click bait, messages people really want to hear even if they seem unbelievable. Who knows? You just might click. These guys trawl the sea of humanity for the gullible and the willing, and hey, at least 50% of the population will likely click the link with the icon of a girl in a bikini, just because.
The REALITY of my weekend is looming before me. No it won’t be a time spent in leisure with my legs up. I inherited the problem of a dryer that won’t spin. I don’t have any kind of degree which would indicate I know a thing about fixing broken washers, so like a dummy I have to go through a roster of YouTubes trying to instruct me thorough disassembly and diagnostics, otherwise we will have to call an expensive repair man just before Christmas. Let’s hope to God I don’t fry myself, or spend a day and have to call a repair man anyway. There’s something very unjust about this picture. Thinking over my conversation about pickup artists, it seems the liar gets to spread his gene pool for free, while the honest man inherits the weekend job of fixing the dryer. That’s my contemplation. As a foil and a buffer I might like to load up on some fake cheer, even if I know it’s 100% fiction. It’s the same reason people buy lotto tickets and watch Hallmark movies. Suspension of belief in the amazing and improbable can be food for a hungry soul.
Here’s a sampling of my own spam headliners:
“Open immediately! You’ve won the Sweepstakes from Walmart $750!!!”
“Add six inches with this amazing supplement”
“Click here to claim your prize”
“Congratulations you have been selected!!!”
“Order now and get one bottle of free CBD Gummies!!!”
“Lonely women want to meet you”
“Trevortoop please confirm receipt of $500!!!!!”
“Your reward is waiting!! Claim prize of up to $90!!”
“Class action lawsuit guaranteed payout”
“Get a $10000 reward from Sponsors!!!!!”
“African men tell little known secrets to size”
“Amazing weight-loss secret”
“Loblaws gift voucher click here for $100 FREE!!!!”
“You could earn millions in your spare time, here’s how!!!!”
“Trevortoop we have a surprise for you!!!!!!”
In the measure of what I know my day will be like, who wouldn’t want a surprise? Who knew I was so lucky? I scan the list of email headings, accompanied by an abundance of exclamation marks, and other fun emoticons of hearts and flowers and wrapped gifts. Clearly, when I am discouraged and need a bit of whimsey, I have an instant go-to in my spam folder. What better way to start the day than all the amazing good luck that’s headed my way?