Covid Cut

Bad hair day? No explanation necessary. it’s a universal that crosses even age and gender lines. Today I got my first COVID-19 cut, that monthly treatment that people in  pandemic isolation have been missing. There are a few stark choices that come with this. You can look around at your family members and see who you trust. Don’t choose anyone who may be harbouring any latent revenge fantasies or you will regret it. A haircut is a thing of profound trust. If you doubt it, list off the people who know things about you in life. Most barbers I bet, get a stronger and more close-up dose of real life than a psychiatrist. Consider a haircut as cheap therapy. 

Regarding choices, the worst of course is when you are forced into do-it-yourself mode. There was a guy I was working with who showed up in a mask and gloves and a new haircut. “Have you been in prison?” I asked. “What happened to you?” He looked sheepish. Home-made haircut. He couldn’t stand it any longer. It made more realize that if isolation goes on for a number of months we are going to have legit Covid-19 hair styles. There will be no in-betweens. It will either look like you were doing hard time, or the man-bun may start to inflict the masses when you try to figure out what to do with all that uncut hair. 

So getting back to hair cutting, make wise choices. The people who cut hair are like the two kinds of people who give Christmas presents. There are those who give you what YOU would like, and those who give you what THEY would like. That’s why I did NOT choose my wife. She never thinks my hair is short enough when I come back from the barber. I was once duped into a haircut by her visiting sister and regretted it for the entire month I had to grow it out. It seems to be a family thing, that plus a basic lack of skill that was verified when the next barber scoped out my head from the back and laughed a knowing laugh. 

Short haircuts are a form of penury that will put you in a mode of shame a la Sampson and Delilah, if you make the wrong choices. I can recall my mother was particularly dictatorial about haircuts. She prided herself on having shears and not having to fork over for barbering expenses. The other mothers loved it too and would send over their kids for a cut. Problem was, this was not making me any friends, when kids would come out, eyeball me and say “I hate your mother”. To be blunt, my mother had one style. She would turn on the shears and just start driving. Haircut ended, when your hair did. Full stop. 

I once cajoled my dad into cutting my hair, convinced he would be more lenient. I wanted to grow it just a LITTLE longer and my mother was not game for this. My dad looked pleased. I was pleased too, but let’s just say we were both in experimental mode which can be a ship of fools. I should have known better when my dad looked for an appropriately sized bowl. It did not improve from that point onward, in fact it was the haircut that just kept getting shorter, you know, kind of like when you are trying to get table legs to sit level on the floor, and you keep having to saw off even more, trying to get things even. You will end up with a very short table that nobody will be happy about. 

I wore a toque to school, but it was not weather for that. My friends knew something was up. Someone eventually snatched the toque from my head and I was outed as the prison inmate I resembled. Penury for an entire month waiting for it to grow out again, and perhaps wiser about who not to trust. 

I did well today. My youngest daughter cut my hair. I was convinced she was the one with the least likely payback issues in the family. She was pretty careful. I am good for another month. Old man hair is hard to cut. Do it badly and you will look like a half-blown dandelion on the decline. 

It’s all a lesson that could test the ties that bind during the Corona Virus shutdown. Trust is a big issue. Sometimes the smallest things in life are actually the pillars of your well-being and you just didn’t know it until circumstances turned everything around. 

Who cuts your hair? It’s a very important question. Ask yourself, because sooner or later you are going to have to figure out who it is in life that you really trust. Really.